I love zoning out. I think its the coolest feature about me which of course you wouldn't find in my resume.
For Instance I zone out before my birthday, after my brithday, during the "you're getting older and you are still single" sit-down speech, or the "if you don't take time off your work and go to Kerala for wedddings you'll never get married" speech for that matter.
I'm pretty much zoned out for the whole weekend when I am at home. It's like an episode of lost in Time.
When I am zoned out, I have no emotions. The bad thing about this is that I am not happy when I am supposed to be happy. Of course, it's great that you have blacked out all the horrible things - fear, insecurity, sadness, etc. but all the fun things get blacked out too - happiness, expectation, love, care, etc. Meh - you win some and you lose some.
I regret only one thing that happened because of this zoning out. When my brother got me the earrings - I couldn't respond. I was just lost. I knew I had to be happy, I knew I was supposed to be my usual bubbly self, I knew I was supposed to smile... but I couldn't. And I feel bad about it because my brother was looking forward to seeing a smile from me.
I don't know whether this stems from distrust. See my brother is such a roller coaster. At one time he's absolutely mean and hurtful, and then at others he's so sweet and caring. So in some ways I was conditioned and had learnt that if something good had happened then I could expect something horrible to follow and probably just probably somewhere I was holding my breath, aprehensive, waiting for something horrible to happen - some mean statement to color my otherwise alright day.
But he is as he is. And that understanding and acceptance comes from a lot of maturity and experience of handling him.
I pretty much use that for everybody. My mentor in office, mister baingan, my boss, my colleagues, my friends, my love bug, my best friends. Once I stopped fighting the invisible battle of getting them to accept me as I am, I just realized that:
1. they really aren't bad people
2. they really didn't matter that much to me (my homies and my boos are still my strength.. esp Color King)
3. WTF was I doing with my life, spending time on things that didn't require that much time
And so my blog reader (man this more like a note to self!) it is now 6.55 pm and I have to write a script for the CEO in the next 30 mins and hence cannot conclude this post effectively. My appologies.