Climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills

Well, the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I call myself an Ostrich? I haven't buried my head. But I am buried.

I have built this little fortress and I am proud of the walls I have put up. I am safe from desert outside bereft of nourishing love. A river that dried out when God decided to look away.

Once in a while a man comes from outside and tries to communicate with me. I speak to him but never let him in. Let me tell you why.

A long time ago, many years after I gained my consciousness, I hadn't built walls yet. I then realized I had no protection. I was attacked many times and I quickly realized that building walls were imperative.

For many years, nobody was allowed inside. Till I was attacked by a sand storm that made me realize how vulnerable I was and how much I needed friends. Friends who could have helped me during the sand storm.

For 3 years after, I made temporary walls. Allowed people to enter the walls but never to destroy what was left of the old fort.

And one day, unexpectedly, a man appeared on the horizon. Dust swirled around him - I should have seen the signs. He was a nice man, a caring man. With him I never needed walls again, because I was safe with him. But alas, as most men are prone to be, he decided to leave for another oasis. An oasis where he could keep his family safe from Dust storms, leaving me fend for myself.

I did not bother to rebuild my walls. I let the sun burn me, and the rain soak me. The cold wins battered me and sand storms blinded me. And then he returned.

He had come back because he wasn't sure. His goal was still to get to the next oasis to build a better life for his family, but I could see he missed me. I spent more time with him, craving his protection, knowing well he could just be an illusion in my heat stroked mind.

And then he left. As suddenly as he had come back, he had left. I sat and watched the horizon hoping he'd come back. Waited in the sun. Ready to believe even in mirages and miracles.

I sat in the ruins of the little fort as I admitted defeat. I decided to build my walls again, so that no man, no human being could enter it. Throw rocks they might, throw bricks they might, but they cannot enter my fortress. I spent hours and hours digging out clay and making bricks. I collected smooth rocks for the foundation. Made a roof with palm leaves and palm fronds.

My little igloo like fort is now complete. I sit here and think of him. Of how safe I felt then as I go about my day's work. I know someone else will appear on the horizon some day, but I am not sure I will have the strength to let him in.